First Date From Hell
by obsidians
Summary: Reno asks Tifa on a date and she doesn't have a good time to say the least. This idea was born from a conversation with Sakurablossomhime, who doesn't like Reno as I do. She thinks he's an ass and told me she wanted to write story for me with a pairing I like, but wouldn't like how he would be portrayed, so I took her ideas and wrote the following. I won't gift this to her


Tifa fumed on the way home.

The night had been a disaster from the start and she wondered why she had agreed to go on a date with Reno in the first place.

First, he had been half an hour late without a simple phone call or text to explain why. He'd just shrugged and said he was running late when she'd inquired as to why he was.

He'd specified for them to dress casually, so she's worn a nice pair of flattering black skinny jeans, a round necked red blouse, with a fitted black vest over top that accentuated her small waist and a pair of black calf high leather boots. A little stylish without going over the top.

He'd worn jeans so distressed they might as well been screaming for help and a top that looked like it had been rescued from a trash beg and was doing him no favours. His own unlaced black leather army boots were practically begging for a polish after being through several wars.

He'd come to her place and knocked on her door to pick her up and his opening words were "yo, move your ass; we gotta be there by 7" he chided her as if she was the one making them late, before stalking off to his truck, not even bothering to wait for her. He gotten in with a slam of his door and didn't even bother lean over to open the door for her.

His tinted windowed, black and chrome, pimped up truck of death was another story. He obviously cared about appearances enough that the outside was gleaming and like a dark mirror.

The inside of the tinted cab was another story. The cab was awash with discarded takeout food wrappers and he had to move more crap from the seat so she could sit in it. Which she did gingerly and wished she had a toilet seat cover to set down first...or a clean towel at least.

"Where are we going?" Tifa asked him.

"It's a surprise" he said.

It sure was; they were in the front row of a monster truck race and he yelled at the drivers like they could hear him over the din they made as Tifa leaned as far back as possible from the diesel fumes, as other manly men shrieked like hormonal teenaged girls (as Reno was) at a boyband concert.

Reno would flash her a smile and ask her again that "wasn't she happy he'd won the tickets?" When she was bored to death.

Apparently, the tickets included meeting the men that drove them afterwards.

She had to stand around as every muscle bound jerk paid attention to her while he own date ignored her in favour of peering under hoods or checking out detailing on their vehicles. While every one of the other man made thinly veiled references to "nice headlights and sweet rear-ends with great mud flaps," as they stared at her. These seemed to go right over the oblivious man's head and under his bent over ass while he ignored her discomfort. However, they did ask him what their relationship was and she bristled as he answered. "She was a piece of tail he'd asked out out of pity when her old man had run out on her."

Finally, the thick-headed ginger suggested she shift her hindquarters as it was dinner time. As if she hadn't been standing around bored while he talked with his gearhead buddies!

"Where are we going?" She asked him.

"You'll find out soon 'nough" he drawled. "I special ordered em' for us. Don't worry your pretty little head about anything" he said looking at her with a smirk on his face.

She just looked away: she'd only agreed to go out with him because she had a night off and she was sick of being bored at home.

Suddenly her alone time nights were looking so much better and longed to be home wearing sweats as she tackled household chores and taking long breaks to get caught up on her soaps, that were her guilty pleasure and eating way too much ice cream.

She stared at the impossibly large burger at Wimpy's Diner and wondered how to eat it. It was as large as her head.

Actually, it was much larger with lots of stacked layers of patties that seemed as thick as bricks, with melted cheese cascading down them with burger toppings: onion rings, onions themselves, fried eggs and other inconceivable toppings covering the layers.

Tifa squinted between the two huge buns and layers. Was that a whole turnip in there?" She questioned herself.

She was about to ask the gum chewing waitress for a fork and knife to take on the topiary that was her meal, when she whipped out a scarf and secured Reno's wrists together.

"What do you thin..." Tifa protested.

"Go" she waitress said in encouragement to him with a smirk.

"Go" another table repeated, until everyone there was drumming on their table and shrieking it and descending on their table, zombie-like to chant it at them as they surrounded them.

"What's going on..." Tifa questioned him and with a cocksure grin, Reno dove head first into that burger and it was gone in under three minutes.

He looked at her with a grin that was ear to ear...and so were the burger toppings, he was smeared with goo all the way up to the tips of his ears!

"I forgot to tell you: I'm the burger eating champ of this place" he bragged through all that mush. "Don't let the lithe bod fool you, I can eat my weight in food. You gonna eat that?" He asked her, eyeing her untouched burger. "He looked down at it. "Imagine what I can do to your womanhood if I can do this to a burger" he said with a smile that looked positively ghastly with the junk all over his face.

She just pushed it forward with disgust and stepped outside for a breath of fresh air to calm her nausea as more encouragements of "go" started.

She ordered medium fries when she came back to their table as he went to clean up and according to him "drain the lizard".

She's lost most of her appetite and had a few fries as he stole half of them and asked her "why he was still hungry?" She lost it all after then.

Finally, she stood on her doorstep, relieved that the night was over.

"Well, let's go inside" he said if expecting it.

"I think not" she said, firmly blocking her door.

"I get a kiss then" he said. "I bought you dinner after all" he reminded her.

She blanched at his audacity. How was a few fries a meal?" But agreed, "fine" she said through clenched teeth if only to get rid of him and firmly pressed her clenched lips for a heartbeat against his.

"Why do you smell like gasoline? Have you never heard of perfume? Beside that. Did no one ever cut your hair? A man could get trapped in this shit like a spider web. Oh well, you have a great set of jugs; I'll give you that. I brought tons of condoms and I bet Cloud isn't putting out. You ready?" He asked her.

"Oh, I'm ready alright" sweetly said.

"Well out of the way then" he suggested how she was blocking the way to her place.

Rude couldn't help noticing how Reno seemed to favour his bruised left cheek.

"You okay?" He asked him.

"I'm fine. I have a bruised cheek is all" he explained.

"How'd you get that?" Rude asked him.

"I walked into a door" Reno explained.

"A door that left a petite, delicate hand shaped bruise? It must have been some kind of door" Rude said with barely contained chuckles that made the redhead just glare at him.


End file.
